UNSUBSCRIBE NOW
That’s how bad I am at this. I’m not a marketer. I’m not a used car salesman. I’m a writer. I’m two, maybe three hours late with my Blackout Brief, going back and doing revisions by hand, and those are the two words I come up with to keep you on my mailing list.
I had a thought and wanted to put it down in my own words. A writecrime, apparently. And look at you. You could’ve been watching a slick video, but you wanted to read what was going through another human being’s head. You made it past a sign telling you to unsubscribe. I believe I caught you in the middle of a readcrime.
Listen, this Substack thing is a competition. Masks off and let’s stop pretending, aight? I’m up against journalists and celebrities who brought their mailing lists with them. Sure, we’re all independents. Some folks got to send an email announcing where they’d moved. I had to find somebody to send the damn email to. I started from zero, and yes, I’d like mine to be the one you open first.
I know, I know. Subscription fatigue is real. Honestly asking for subscriptions isn’t my strong suit, aight?
But if I don’t stick up for my own stuff, who the hell is gonna?
I’m not about to sit twiddling my thumbs hoping some Substack Digest editor decides to feature my writing alongside a bunch of cookie-cutter, pretty faced Substackers who would never in a million years write the word “ain’t” in one of their essays.
Nah.
So if you are lovin’ these deep dives and articles the mainstream press will never cover, consider subscribing to my free newsletter. It’s one less way the MSM can manipulate you. And hey, one less time you’ll have to read some Substack Digest featuring Karen’s lackluster, forgettable essay.
Ok, is my jealousy coming out just a lil bit?
I digress.
If for whatever reason you’re not down to subscribe…
RESTACK this biatch and keep reading.
Bye.
Substack reminds me of MTV. Remember turning on Music Television hoping you might actually catch a music video? Now you can open a newsletter and wind up looking for your headphones. Substack even has its own TV app. [1] I get the feeling the cool kids are getting courted and the readers who brought us to the Substack dance are standing there wondering what happened. Look, I do video. I’m just admitting I’m not that good at it. Writing is what I’m good at and that’s what I’m going to stick with, right? Even if it kills me, right? I am a novelist.
The three-sec check
I wrote down the pact I’m making with you. No AI-written essays. Essay first, video second. No damn video in your email. If I watch an interview for the Blackout Brief, you get to read the whole story right there in your inbox. Leave the headphones wherever the hell they are.
As for who wrote it, go ahead and do what I call the three-sec check. Open the essay in the Substack Reader or the iOS app, hit the three dots and choose Scan for AI text. Pangram gives you its estimate. [2] Me? this brotha is betting on 100% green every gotdamn time baby.
I’ve hit those dots on some writers on Substack. No names. Let’s just say there’s some writersplaining going on. Fair’s fair, though. And here I am, several hundred words into explaining with my own fingers on a keyboard why people ought to just write the damn piece.
If wanting to read is a crime, you’ve got a retired cop for an accomplice. I’ll commit the crime of actually writing.
Sources
Substack, Introducing the Substack TV app, January 22, 2026. (on.substack.com)
Substack Help Center, How can I detect AI on Substack?, updated October 26, 2026. (support.substack.com)
Sources
1. Bernie Sanders says he won’t support Schumer as Democratic leader in new Congress — CBS News, Nov. 10, 2026
2. Bernie Sanders won’t support Schumer for Senate Democratic leader, saying it’s time for change — Associated Press, Nov. 10, 2026
3. Democrat Roy Cooper wins North Carolina Senate seat, flipping a key GOP-held seat — Associated Press, Nov. 3, 2026
4. Jon Stewart wrong that Chuck Schumer fought half the Democratic Senate winners — PolitiFact, Nov. 9, 2026
5. Platner, accused of sexual assault, suspends Senate campaign — Roll Call, July 8, 2026
6. DSCC Statement on Troy Jackson — Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, July 25, 2026
7. Troy Jackson unseats Susan Collins in Maine Senate race — Maine Public, Nov. 4, 2026
8. Schumer declines to endorse likely Democratic Senate nominee in Maine — The Washington Post, July 21, 2026
9. Bernie Sanders says he will not back Schumer for Senate Democratic leader — The Guardian, Nov. 10, 2026
10. Majority and Minority Leaders — U.S. Senate
11. Leader Recognition — U.S. Senate
Related Essays:
Mississippi Gotdamn: The NAACP Tells the GOP to Back Off the Vote Counters
This post is part of a series called I Hate Video. If you’re like me and hate clicking on articles that just take you to videos, this series is for you. Wanting to read isn’t a crime. Ok?
I think your work is just fine. Readers are builders of intelligence. Not so much can be said for video. Be yourself. Which is the best and we subscribers see and know it. 😊
As a fellow writer, I salute you. I’m also functionally deaf (the result of a lengthy career in the music industry) so, that makes listening to what I see an exercise in lip reading that requires far too much effort. Write on.