I read this piece and need to reread it, maybe several times. It touched in deep places, ignited my curiosity and is demanding my attention. As a woman, an old woman, I have lived a lifetime surviving male violence and then a man shot and killed my son, they even took my child... I'm so angry and emotionally traumatized I can't think straight most days, but your piece has piqued my curiosity and makes me want to find some kind of understanding. To chase down that rabbit hole... maybe more of this will give me some weird peace of mind or at the very least, language to spew my disgust with the patriarchy... I don't know. It's hard to raise above feeling like a victim, to try to look at the larger picture, to want for some understanding. I'm tired, I want to be lazy and simply spit and hiss, like a wild animal, at the men who commit these acts of violence... my own need for violence erupts and that seems unacceptable, I hear my head saying, I can't be both the victim and the offender in the same feeling. Grrrr, this is confusing... I'll let this wash over me and then read it again. Damn you for stirring up all this murk (stuff I feel and don't necessarily have language for) that I work so hard to suppress, to push it down into my gut... it feels insatiable, that there will never be relief for me. Never. It's no wonder, my belly protrudes--it's holding generations of grief and anger! I loathe to say just how good I found this piece... your writing is outstanding... damn you, I'm tired. Maybe I'll thank you one day.
Damn - I wish I could write this well! I’m figuring you have been researching and editing this for years.
I can’t support your work yet, but I will at some point!
Thx Jay. And you most certainly can support this work besides going paid. RESTACK.
Tell the Substack world by re-stacking!
I read this piece and need to reread it, maybe several times. It touched in deep places, ignited my curiosity and is demanding my attention. As a woman, an old woman, I have lived a lifetime surviving male violence and then a man shot and killed my son, they even took my child... I'm so angry and emotionally traumatized I can't think straight most days, but your piece has piqued my curiosity and makes me want to find some kind of understanding. To chase down that rabbit hole... maybe more of this will give me some weird peace of mind or at the very least, language to spew my disgust with the patriarchy... I don't know. It's hard to raise above feeling like a victim, to try to look at the larger picture, to want for some understanding. I'm tired, I want to be lazy and simply spit and hiss, like a wild animal, at the men who commit these acts of violence... my own need for violence erupts and that seems unacceptable, I hear my head saying, I can't be both the victim and the offender in the same feeling. Grrrr, this is confusing... I'll let this wash over me and then read it again. Damn you for stirring up all this murk (stuff I feel and don't necessarily have language for) that I work so hard to suppress, to push it down into my gut... it feels insatiable, that there will never be relief for me. Never. It's no wonder, my belly protrudes--it's holding generations of grief and anger! I loathe to say just how good I found this piece... your writing is outstanding... damn you, I'm tired. Maybe I'll thank you one day.
btw, I don't understand all this restacking, how does one do that? And, what does it mean?